From the HelmsMistress, “My friend forwarded this yesterday, and I couldn’t even finish reading it out loud because I was laughing so hard. Anyone who has been onboard our boat for any occasion knows that not only do you get a “warm” Quincy welcome that can be heard far across the anchorage or marina, but you will also enjoy the pleasant smells of her death breath, sights of drool and hair all over your clothes, and feel of her claws digging into your bare feet as she saunters by along with her butt leaning on you as you enjoy “her” cockpit. It’s an experience that appeals to all the senses! Thank you to Emi for forwarding and thank you to the creative author who so accurately epitomizes the joys of Great Dane ownership. Enjoy!”
**HOW TO PREPARE YOUR HOME & FAMILY FOR A GREAT DANE**
1) Lift a 200 lb bag of wet sand up and down the stairs
2) Push a 200 lb bag of wet sand into your car
3) Smear hair gel all over your walls and throw it on the ceiling and TV, while you’re at it, smear the lower half of all windows, curtains and glass
4) Rub fur and gel into the roof of your vehicle
5) At least twice daily, drop that 200 lb bag of wet sand on your bare foot
6) Shake balls of fur, mulch, and a bucket of dirt all over your house daily (add water for rainy days)
7) Practice repeating “Great Dane”, about 200 pounds…8-10 cups a day…”no, I don’t have a saddle” over and over with a smile
8) Volunteer at the zoo to help wash the large animals and clean up their poop
9) Invite your friends over and have them all try to get in the bathroom while you are using it
10) Practice telling people that your boyfriend does NOT beat you, that those bruises are from your dog!
11) Take a nice long piece of rubber hose and go around smacking all the coffee mugs off the end-tables and hit any close male where he doesn’t like to be hit and smack your own legs a few times too
12) Have someone operate a chain saw at the foot of your bed all night…record this and play it every night close to your ear
13) Have your kids, husband, wife, significant other and even friends continuously and randomly lick your face and spit on you so you build up a tolerance to all the drool and slobber kisses you will be getting.
14) Practice sitting on the floor as well as other hard surfaces as you will most likely have no room on your sofa. Your behind needs to toughen up.
15) Sleep with at least 2 people in your bed because 1 Dane in your bed is equivalent to 2 people that constantly toss, turn, and hit you in the head multiple times a night. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that they won’t be on your bed. 150 lbs WILL be jumping on you in the middle of the night just because they want to snuggle.
Be prepared for total unconditional love with no expectations other than you love them in return
The royal court onboard Tulum V
Who in their right mind would take off on a long-term cruising trip with a full grown, pure bred Great Dane on the boat? And then adopt a very baby kitty just to add to the fun? Well…we would and we did. We’re out full time cruising with said Great Dane and baby kitty on an experienced cruising boat, traveling with our kids and seeing the world through a different set of lenses. Our Sunday blog posts are done just for fun, every Sunday to highlight the goofy and fun things that happen with our creatures on the boat. But we also show you these posts to make sure folks know that this CAN be done safely and for the animals, comfortably.
Yup, we love what we do (most of the time) and we are continuing to cruise south slowly, writing as we go. Stick with us, more to come. Like what we’re doing? FOLLOW us or check out our Patreon site to buy us a beer.